14 Sep Special needs guide for idiots

I’m too polite. Everyone tells me this. Sometimes I wish I could change what I said when I’m fielding questions from virtual strangers about my daughter Meredith, who has intellectual disabilities. So, to all the people out there who have pushed my button, this one’s for you.

Girl holding clown puppet at Gymboree: “Oh, Meredith looks a little sleepy today?”
What I said: “No, she’s developmentally delayed, which means her processing is slower. Remember? I explained this last week and the week before”.
What I should have said: “Your puppet is not making me happy.”

A mom’s comment after looking at Meredith for the first time: “Can they fix it?”
What I said: “We’re hoping this eye patch will work.”
What I should have said: “Can they fix you?”

Little boy: When he sees Meredith arrive at the speech therapy clinic, he says: “Hey Mom! Here comes that funny girl! You know, the one that can’t walk.”
What I said: “It’s OK,” I assure his embarrassed mother. “He’s just making an observation.”
What I should have said: “Thanks for the reminder!”

Husband (not an idiot): “So, what did you do today?”
What I said: “I took Meredith to two therapy appointments, Caroline has an ear infection and the morons at our insurance company don’t care whether Meredith ever walks.”
What I should have said: “I increased my Paxil to 80 mg.”.

Old Lady No. 1: After learning Meredith is missing the center fibers in the brain, she said “You know, her brain will grow back.”
What I said: “Well, actually I’m afraid it won’t. But someday science may come up with some answers.”
What I should have said: “Apparently your brain has not grown back either.”

An acquaintance: “If you had known about Meredith’s condition before she was born, would you still have had her?”
What I said: “I can’t imagine not having her in my life.”
What I should have said: “If your mother had known what an insensitive twit you would become, would she still have had you?”

Occupational therapist: “Can Meredith retrieve this raisin from the vial?”
What I said: “I dunno. I’ve never asked her to retrieve a raisin from a vial.”
What I should have said: “No, but she did retrieve a raisin from her nose.”

Old Lady No. 2: “You know, God must think you’re awfully special to have given you a child like Meredith.”
What I said: “Yes, so I’ve heard.”
What I should have said: “After God finished creating Meredith, he began working on his quota of insensitive grandmothers and you were at the top of his list. Isn’t that special?”

Conversation with my friend Tonie, who has a child with autism: “Sometimes, our life bites.”
What I said: “Yeh…pass the tequila”
What I should have said: “Yeh…. pass the tequila. Again.”